Night of the Cephalopod

from by The Fuxedos

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    The Fuxedos' eponymous debut CD represents the unholy collision of Fuxed-up creativity and High Production Value. It features mixing by Steve "Steve B" Baughman, whose credits include 50 Cent, Michael Jackson, and Eminem; and nuanced mastering by Dylan "3-D" Dresdow, who's worked with everyone from the Black Eyed Peas to U2 to the Wu-Tang Clan.

    The striking 8-panel digipak features hilariously surreal photographic artwork by digital artist Mike Dunkley, and the disc is enhanced with the award-winning surrealist mini-musical comedy short video "Mimsy," featuring "The Jellybean Song."

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lyrics

Allow me to introduce myself. The name is Smith. I’m a private eye.

And while I can tell you that, what I can’t tell you is what I was doing on this dark, rainy street, on the wrong side of the tracks. And I especially can’t tell you what that giant octopus was doing in the street in front of me, and wearing a fedora, at that. Sure, the streets were wet. But a giant sea creature here on land, and in this part of town? It didn’t add up.

You don’t ask questions when a massive mollusk comes toward you, its breath reeking of squid. Now I usually like squid when I’m sitting in a Japanese restaurant. But here on this dark, lonely street, its titanic tentacles gripping my throat, I was not so much in the mood for said aroma.

“You better come with me. The Boss wants to see you,” he said.

When an oversized cephalopod grabs you and beckons you to go see the Boss, you comply.

Well there we was, in a darkened warehouse space, the gargantuan mollusk in the corner. And I came face to face with the Big Man. Now, you don’t wanna’ see the Boss under any circumstances, you dig? Under any circumstances. But especially not with an immense octopus in the room eyeing you menacingly and breathing the odor of inky invertebrates in your general direction.

Good thing I had a pouch of Big League Chew in my pocket. Everybody loves Big League Chew. I took a big handful and stuffed it in the gullet of the octopus, right underneath his beak. And as he began to chew the bubble gum, pink bubbles started emanating not only from his mouth, but also from the suction cups on his tentacles. He blew up like a giant, pink balloon and floated higher, higher out of a hole in the ceiling, and off to the Moon.

So it was just me and the Boss. And I realized right then and there that with his protection gone, the Boss was a mere puppet. Now when I say “puppet,” I’m not being figurative – I’m being literal. A marionette puppet. Craning my neck upward toward the shadows, I spied on a rafter above a tiny mouse holding the strings of the marionette.

Luckily, I had a rubber band in my back pocket. I pulled it out and shot it ceilingward at the solar plexus of the rodent, who plummeted to his dusty demise on the floor at my feet. He looked up, breathing his last gaspy breaths, and said, “Avoid a life of crime – and stay in school!”

When a dying puppeteer mouse tells you to do that, you heed his words. I matriculated at Ohio State, got a Masters in Library Science, and the rest, as they say, is history. So tell me, bub – do you wanna’ pay your library fines now, or later? Eventually, you gotta’ pay. We all gotta’ pay…

credits

from The Fuxedos, released June 5, 2009
Ryan Brown - Drums
Alex Budman - Acoustic bass, bass clarinet
Stephen Charouhas - Keyboards
Danny Shorago - Vox
Wes Styles - Guitar

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The Fuxedos California

"This is music both visionary and visceral, both hilarious and very serious, and it's welcome now more than ever...A spirit of wildness permeates the proceedings, but it's underpinned by a richly dimensional musical complexity. Yes. This is about passion...This is an album designed to last."

-- American Songwriter Magazine
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